i was born a porn star she said
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
