Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
