I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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