in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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