Are we in a gay sports bar?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
