Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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