Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
