she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
