can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
