I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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