Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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