You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
