finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
