You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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