in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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