youre lurking in front of me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
