I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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