i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
