I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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