i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
