I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
