Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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