I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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