You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
