i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
