Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
