I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
