i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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