it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
