i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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