I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
