Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
