You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
