I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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