btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
