i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
