Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need help removing her.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
