I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
