He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
