this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
