all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
