Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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