The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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