Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
