I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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