Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
