Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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