If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
