just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
