He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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