If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
