return my video game
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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