So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
