Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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