im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
